The Gift Shop

Acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch. If these are your partner's love languages keep on driving but if they like to receive gifts maybe you want to pull over to this location

Should we get her just like one of these little novelty license plates that says karen yeah i don't know it just that feels like

she'll know that we got it for her on the way there you

know i don't want her does scream i don't want to walk in the door and be like

hey we finally thought of a gift for you to get a gift for you when we were on the way here you know it's been a long time since we got to celebrate her birthday with her i want i want it to be special

you know we can't find the right nameplate we probably

should right we should just get her one that

says her

name is probably shouldn't get karen yeah i thought because it rhymed like it would be close enough it's funny it's definitely funny

and she has a sense of humor i wasn't really even going for funny i was just going to write sharon over the top of karen i see yes i don't know i think we should just think about it more i don't think we should buy the first thing we've got

like a half an hour yeah we're barely even in the store we're we're we're right by the front yeah

hey over there no high pressure sales for me but if you have any questions let me know and um i i hear you might be buying a gift where are you

i i don't

see you very low pressure for sure that's okay

no pressure at all are you behind those decorative pillows

think again i don't just tell us i'm not even here i want you to feel like you're shopping with no prying eyes nobody hovering around you

okay um the hot sauces are very popular and might i add funny yes

oh yeah i do like the one it's is this one this one looks good it's called blow it out your ass

it has a donkey on it i think that's a little too

it's a little

too that's so intense

yeah oh okay this

are you i just saw something moved back by the chimes is that you oh close but no cigar

one's where

he must be running around the store because the chimes are definitely sweet and chimes

there i guess there's a little bit of a

breeze definitely a

gling gling gling going on

i'm

not even here shop as if it's just the three of you

okay okay thank you thank you we'll ask we'll let you know if we have any questions well since

he's not by the decorative pillows i mean these are kind of nice and you know

they're sort of yeah for a woman she wants to maybe she's older you know yeah she sits around a lot should we get this one with her name on it

pamela okay i mean but i feel like we could turn the p into an s and then they're just right h a r i know you just found a marker

we don't have to use it it's called toilet

but

for life

toilet for life what do you think that means

i think it means that

you're gonna you're gonna eat it i think it means you'll eat it and you'll be on the toilet for the rest

of your life i'm not sure what it means that's

wrong

sorry sir sir you can't be wrong sir

dude did you you've you've corrected us with two of these hot sauces are these like in -house like homemade or like artisan sauces that you make for the store or are these that you order from like a warehouse or order from a

warehouse but self -named i'm not even

here i'm not i'm pretty

sure that's you in the clock i'm pretty sure i'm starting to feel like i'm in a saw episode like a movie of saw

no no no no this is a nice experience and i'm not even here

well

maybe since you're chiming in maybe you could help us we're trying to get a gift for our mom we haven't celebrated her birthday with her in a while

we haven't given her a gift for 19 years straight

but this year we're not forgetting yeah we are at the roadside gift shop and we're gonna get her something nice we just don't want it to seem like we bought it on the way

to see her does that make sense yeah does she like triple xl t -shirts making fun of vegans maybe

maybe i'll take a look at them yeah

over here go check out the shirt wall oh here you are here's the guy okay so

is this a fun house mirror wait where are you yeah you're looking at yourself

god i look just like i imagined that guy would look

wow

like the idea

of me yes that is a pretty intense fun house mirror they usually just stretch your body but this changes your facial structure pretty good

anyway uh but i i don't know like these are pretty uh

yeah i don't know they says fuck vegans it's not

really like it doesn't

really make fun yeah them it's

just go to hell i'm eating here anyway i don't really get that so you don't like them

uh that's fine not for us or not for our mom they're homemade they're homemade

yeah that's fine someone was like

they're definitely homemade

do you have a scream press or what do you even make these with a what

it's how you make little customized shirts

no

it's not how

i do

okay

you could even iron little letters on one at a time oh good idea i think we're getting distracted talking to the owner of the store we need to just find a gift for mom

right let's

think about it for real what

like she

does mom

like we don't want to get our house house we don't want to get her

pillows i mean she likes uh

she birds

she likes birds she loves birds she loves binoculars

with her birds yeah she looks at them she loves outside

bird watching she basically so

we've just described a woman who loves bird watching right so

she loves being outside looking at birds with binoculars what about a new crazy hat what about a

new hat that looks crazy everywhere except for bird watching right

which i

she has so many

yeah

feel like

i feel like bird watching

specific hat that's a good point yeah um point

i what about this grave digger hat like a you know monster truck i don't know i just feel like a trucker cap with grave digger that says not the real grave digger for licensing

purposes written underneath it yeah we want the official yeah it doesn't feel like anything in here is like

you can't sue me for that you can't sue me for that sir i feel like it's you're still using a picture of grave dig the hearse with big tires though i feel like it's like maybe you could get sued have you been sued by grave digger specifically

not since i put the sign underneath yeah but yes grave digger is the most litigious of trucks

i did when i pulled up i did see because i feel like that's how i know you're a real person i did see you handing a man in a monster truck cash and him speeding off into the mountainside yeah i paid truckosaurus

not using the roads

of course that's a

smart you can't tell anybody you did not put a hit on grave digger from truckosaurus i would that that was truckosaurus you were killing

that's unbelievable

you can't tell anyone you can go to truck prison for life for that

you're telling me

where are you is that you the mannequin behind the front desk caught me

wait

wait wait but you're a mannequin

wait you're

you're not

the mannequin

okay

has a speaker box yeah look okay take take look take the hat off he's got a little camera in the eyes

just kidding

what

you know what you all might like placemats we have a lot of lovely

placemats in the middle of the store mom's table is a wreck from putting hot soup

down it really is oh that's great do you have any table tops

because the wood is completely stained with circles but not from liquid yeah i mean at this point mom just has four legs with no table top

they stand up just fine though

somehow um

and so we we we have to eat a lot of meals like it's hook like like in the movie hook

yeah yeah do you okay well yeah i think we could we could get our

tabletop later but like placemats would be nice yeah you get placemats or tabletops in the corner um yeah there's lots there's novelty funny ones like the hot sauces or kind of more standard

tabletops oh this one's kind of cool it's got like a dead body drawn on it

like like here's a dead body on the table that's kind of funny for like halloween or something

oh okay

that's not for halloween it's year -round

can excuse me sir uh host host or whatever i appreciate the no hard sell thing but i think it's just getting confusing at this point could you just come out and help us

okay sure

host please come

help please we're simply lost you must have three men coming in here to get a gift for their mom at the last minute all the time

out and

we're already late like

just help us please reveal yourself he's in the bathroom he's going to the bathroom go go go go that makes sense but sit down

it's empty

there's not even a toilet in here god no one's in

here so someone is in here saying that

i'm gonna guys i'm scared too but i'm gonna open the shower curtain okay

okay that's all i'm gonna pull out my

knife hang on all right get ready to stay just wait we can't kill another person we cannot kill

another person because we're scared what if the person hiding back there is nefarious it's a good

question you're thinking of nosferatu

no i'm not

is there a person named nefarious

this guy no no this guy's just slacking on his hosting okay i'm gonna open it let's not stab

no

okay but i'm gonna have my knife out yeah just have it out yeah of course

i won't only have it out you pull it get behind me yeah they'll see that i have the knife i won't need to use it

right and you stand behind me okay yeah all right how am i gonna get out of this show okay

there the host is

he's in

in there okay yeah wait all right

i'm just gonna show

knife yeah three show brandish

okay i'm gonna open

you brandish yeah hold

wait wait

what are you just doing i'm just standing in the back i'm standing near the door okay lock it in case he comes out we need to kill him lock him or

on wait

lock us in yeah at least he won't be able to get out i don't think he's in i don't listen let's listen for one second but i will i will

swing open i'm gonna reach back and i'm gonna turn on the water we'll see what happens smart smart turn it's just hot so you're gonna do

pretty much everything i'm gonna you brandish you turn on the

hot water on the water

me you're not doing

huh

do

anything i don't know how to

that i don't know why don't we load you up and

we'll do okay yeah all right let's listen for a second just

confirmation

like he's just in the bathroom

okay sounds

there is no toilet there must be a toilet in the shower it's a trick

makes sense

that

oh my god stink is going up

did you guys invest

i did i did okay i have three stink i have three stink oh whoa

yeah i got it wow i got it like 0 .76 stink

yeah yeah wow that's

it's it's not bad that's not bad

that's more than

three

fours yeah oh okay maybe it's not the toilet in there okay ready so yours i'll open oh you're turning it on okay i'm opening i'm opening

i'm opening

we

see you is that you

no

no sorry oh god thank god i missed four times in a row you step directly into the drain with big misses

is that you host jesus christ yes what are you doing trying to stab the host of the store

we're sorry

yeah it was

we didn't

just

know

if you were nefarious or not

don't know what that means means guy with bad intention yes like nosferatu the vampire

nosferatu

is a name no we're saying the same thing sir sir please now that we've caught you will you please help us buy a gift for our

mother you're caught and please tell us you have bird watching stuff please i'm trying to be such a low pressure salesman i've hit all the way in here and you still wanted to stab me you scalded me with hot water i i i just fantastic heating by the way as soon as i turned it on it was piping i pay extra for that well come on out yes i'll take you to the bird watching stuff

it's our most popular stuff it might be sold out um

damn so here's damn it

every place we've

been watching stuff you cannot say that to us we're so

mad

i'm sorry i'm sorry i can tell you're disappointed but

bird watching stuff has been flying off the shelves there's a there's a

bird

watching stuff has been

flying off the shelves why don't you put that on a t -shirt instead of toilet for life

and stuff like that

that was an actual write that down and put it on a t -shirt right now i don't know what that t -shirt's for but we'll take

that bird watching stuff is flying off the shelves okay all right all right hope tell me you have screen printing no i

had never heard of it until today what do you do stencil

okay easy

that's actually easier it feels like less work okay geez

i feel like

we've gotten into a big fight because i tried to stab you i'll take the aggression off the table stop brandishing i can't stop brandishing okay

fair fair all right here

so we do have a notebook oh i'm making you the shirt

okay bird watching has been flying off the shelves yes we're

watching stuff

do you want to say dear mommy or anything like that no yeah we want to say we wanted to say

dear

christina what about dear dear christina sorry we couldn't get you a gift bird watching stuff

has been flying off the shelf love your sons the three sharons

she'll get it she'll get it it's an inside joke

well it will be after

okay great

yes

we're gonna really

we're gonna

we'll really sell hammer at home

okay i will be honest i went way too big with deer so the rest

is gonna be pretty small that's funny that's

funny that's funny

god whoo this is strong

in here is there any ventilation spray paint

or any what that's like that's the machine they use to paint the yellow lines on highways so you've seen it before do you by chance have

respirators or we'll have one for you this is

have three more

the only respirator right

is that you uh operating the machinery or is that a monster truck out here outside oh no did you fucking tell grave digger what you saw in

okay

now

here no no

we didn't know grave digger oh my god

if grave digger finds me in here it's toilet for life for me okay we use the hot sauce to kill grave digger i don't know i can't i'm

not gonna stop making the hot sauce is weak it's not hot

what wait no

what you're overcompensating with the label

all ketchup with pepper in it

it's

blowing out your ass just

use your hottest one and scream the label when you throw it grave digger and make it funny

three three two one grave digger suck on this clogged flush

god damn it god damn it

working

it's

he's digging his own grave he's digging his own grave

he's corroding i'm going down oh a priest is

here yeah i bless you to hell

i'm halfway to the core surely i can get out of the hole if i keep

digging i bless you to hell yes oh and the priest is

covering him up and the priest uh the priest the grave digger has been put in the grave who's that me down here the

driver of the grave digger

oh i've been put in the grave pallbearer yes i needed a gig pallbearer driving grave digger i thought you were dead i used to work for undertaker cover

him

up priest

okay

wow

back to the

every day like this i'm going

vatican

goodbye whoa that pope mobile sped off dirt i need to watch that thing he's been driving around in it from the vatican

you

what i think we should just get this karen nameplate and call it a day you know what that's what i think can we just check out with the karen nameplate thanks we're going to write sharon over the top of it thanks

know

who are you talking to

i'm sorry what who are you where did he that was not you there's just a skin suit on the ground and some bird uh line of

birdie going into the back

i think it was him he just skimmed himself and now he's skeletons in the back it's not worth it

it's not worth it

sir you have to ring us up please check yourselves out

24 this thing's a piece of you know what

we don't want it

hey mom's just gonna have to go year 20 yeah

let's get her a

gift certificate we ain't getting mom's shit our presents will be present enough that'll be fine let's just go eat soup on our laps at her house yeah hey when we get there yeah will you guys not get in a fist fight with mom this year

no promises yeah